Me, in your words.

'You're a good friend, but you're really not a good boyfriend.'

'You have this negative vibe around you. I can't quite explain it, but it's there.'

'God! You're so intimidating!'

'You're way too comfortable with yourself. You're pretty lazy and not hard working.'

'Honestly, how hard is a bloody hug?! Oh that's right, you don't even like touching people.'

'Blessed be the one who can stand you.'

'You, my son, are a hit-and-miss. You walk on the fence, and happen to fall on the good side at times, just rarely enough that one can't place a bet for the next time.'

'You're way too judgmental for your own good.'

'Justify it anyway you want, you frown too much.'

'Stop being a jerk, you callous head-strong oaf!'

'You're a risk-seeker. A glorified gambler who loves high stakes.'

'Learn to forgive and give people another chance. Lord knows you've been given too many.'

'It's good that you're well aware of your negative points. What sucks is that you enjoy having them.'

'I give up on you. Good luck.'

'Heh, you're making me laugh again, I've missed it.'
...wait. What?